‘Lonely Planet’: 75 Thoughts I Had Watching Laura Dern and Liam Hemsworth in the Netflix Film

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any true rom-com fan must be in want of a Laura Dern-gets-her-groove-back vehicle, and that’s exactly what Netflix hath delivered unto us with Lonely Planet, a new film from Erin Brockovich screenwriter Susannah Grant that features Dern as a novelist who heads to Morocco for a writer’s retreat and meets a handsome young man by the name of Liam Hemsworth (or whatever his name is in the movie; I’m going to call him Liam Hemsworth). May-December romance fans, ahoy! Let’s dive in, shall we?

1. When a movie starts with that little “ding” sound you hear on a plane, you know the protagonist is going places.
2. Literally.
3. We’re approaching Marrakech, Morocco!
4. A refreshing lack of the Global South yellow filter (so far).
5. Laura Dern! Every time I see her, I hear her scream “ISAIDTHANKYOOOOOOOU” on Big Little Lies in my head.
6. Sheep! In the road! Not as exciting as a Laura Dern sighting, but still pretty cool.
7. Oh, no, Laura Dern’s luggage got lost.
8. Not going to the first-night dinner on a press trip because you’re tired is very relatable, I must say.
9. Just kidding! Please still invite me on press trips, media powers that be!
10. Hey, it’s Liam Hemsworth! With a girlfriend! Who is not Laura Dern!
11. The shirt he’s wearing looks dangerously close to a henley, although upon second examination, I think it’s just a polo.
12. Ooh, it sounds like Laura Dern is going through a bad divorce. Or maybe has already concluded one? Either way, some man is pissed at her.
13. Let’s get our Eat Pray Love on, girlfriend!
14. Actually, maybe we can skip “pray.”
15. Diana Silvers as a love interest for anyone but Kaitlyn Dever makes me upset.
16. I do like her chunky highlights, though, I must say.
17. Wait, is Liam Hemsworth also a writer? Or just weirdly supportive of his GF?
18. A man who turns down an Ambien because he has a call scheduled? No fun! Dump him!
19. No clue what this call is about, but I gather it’s important.
20. Ooh, Liam and Laura are meeting!
21. Wow, even their names sound good together.
22. An annoying reporter on a press trip? That’s me!
23. “I see your face in bed a lot,” followed by the girlfriend reveal? Come on, Liam!
24. This makes me think of SATC’s Sam Jones lamenting guys who are obsessed with letting you know they have a girlfriend right away. We get it, dude!
25. My God, this village is picturesque.
26. Laura Dern was born to casually quote Flaubert in a movie.
27. Liam has four sisters, so we know he’s a Good Guy.
28. Sorry, my brand-new puppy was freaking out for the last four minutes, so I missed the context behind Laura and Liam’s meet-cute, but things seem to be progressing apace.
29. Ah, Liam’s GF Diana Silvers is a big fan of Laura’s novels. Interesting.
30. Laura, don’t travel anywhere (especially not to a foreign country) if you can’t handle a tiny bit of yelling in the background!
31. Maybe I’m just smug because I’ve trained myself to write to the din of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, to be fair.
32. Ah, cool, Liam’s job is…coal mining, somehow.
33. “Clean coal,” LOL.
34. Writer girlinas, I beg of you: Do not bring your extraction-bro boyfriend on a retreat, because he will get correctly roasted by all the socialists.
35. Oh man, Laura lost a farmhouse in her divorce?
36. Laura published her first book in college? Zadie Smith vibes!
37. Laura eviscerating Liam for clearly being a former high school sports bro is so cathartic and hot to me.
38. I know Liam was saying “How come you can’t finish your book at home?” to Laura, but as someone who spends $40 every other weekday to “work” at my local lesbian all-day cafe, I’m taking it as a personal attack.
39. Ooh, dramatic confession time just nearly averted!
40. In the most appropriate, respectful way possible, may I say: Diana Silvers looks really good in a tank top.
41. So does Liam Hemsworth, for that matter.
42. “Come find me when you’re in a better mood” is actually a very mature and devastating own to deliver.
43. Liam is angrily riding a motorcycle through the streets of Marrakech, as one does.
44. That’s the way, man! Watch local sports! Drink a local beer! Hug local guys! Forget about girls!
45. If you are in Morocco and (as Laura is right now) turning down anything at all that comes served out of a tagine, you are simply an idiot.
46. I don’t care if you’re full! Eat a bite of that harira!
47. I want to lie on a floaty in a Moroccan pool right now.
48. I’ve never actually been on a writer’s retreat; is this what they’re like?
49. Liam Hemsworth’s facial hair is perfectly calibrated in this movie, I must say.
50. Wow, really, Liam? Your bosses in the natural-resource-extraction business aren’t nice?
51. Oh, he’s an eco-antagonist with a heart of gold who’s actually on the side of the West Virginia coal miner. Cool :/
52. Laura’s divorced from a sculptor? So Meryl-coded.
53. This guy really is kind of a dick to his girlfriend Diana Silvers, who is just trying to have fun on her trip.
54. “You always find a way to ruin the things I’m excited about” is a rough way to feel about your partner! Do better, cishet men.
55. Good for Diana for breaking up with him!
56. Laura’s really just listening to their whole breakup through her wall, huh?
57. Bro, you’re going to “stay out of her way” but not just go home so she can actually enjoy the retreat? I hate this man! Go frack something!
58. Ooh la la, scandalous Laura/Liam shoulder-kiss scene.
59. “I could fall for a kid like you”?????? Damn.
60. Okay, Liam didn’t like that.
61. Hannah Horvath’s boyfriend called her “kid,” and you didn’t hear her complaining about it, man! Although maybe she should have?
62. Liam’s leaving to “do some exploring.” Ugh.
63. He invites Laura!
64. Parasailing montage!
65. Oh, that was other people parasailing. Our lovers are just holding hands on the beach.
66. Sex scene!
67. A pretty good one, too, if I may be so bold.
68. Feeding each other olives? Inctedible.
69. “You know I love an olive.” He already knows this about her?
70. I really don’t care what happens with this man’s coal deal.
71. Laura’s going home 🙁
72. Alone 🙁 🙁
73. Solo Liam surfside shot 🙁 🙁 🙁
74. God help me, I love a last-minute rekindling.
75. I do wish Laura Dern’s actual character Katherine Loewe’s last name were pronounced lo-WAY-vey.