Wendy’s SpongeBob collab disappoints millennials

“SpongeBob” fans, your dream is officially a reality. But we’re sad to report it’s underwhelming.

Wendy’s, the Columbus-based fast-food chain, is partnering with Paramount to celebrate the 25th anniversary of “SpongeBob SquarePants,” which premiered on Nickelodeon in 1999, by launching the Krabby Patty Kollab.

Available starting Tuesday, Oct. 8, the Krabby Patty Kollab includes two new menu items: the Pineapple Under the Sea Frosty (a vanilla Frosty with a pineapple mango flavored puree) and the Krabby Patty Kollab Burger (a quarter pound of beef, American cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion and a “top-secret Krabby Kollab sauce” on a toasted bun).

We at The Enquirer newsroom tasted the two menu items to determine: Would the Krabby Patty Kollab be SpongeBob SquarePants-approved?

Sadly, the consensus among myself and my colleagues, Haadiza Ogwude, David Wysong and Jolene Almendarez, was that the Krabby Patty Kollab Burger would fall short of impressing the good people of Bikini Bottom. Was it a good, plain old burger? Yes. Did it successfully uphold the revered Krabby Patty name? No.

Need a break? Play the USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle.

The top-secret Krabby Kollab sauce was a tad underwhelming, lacking thickness, flavor and causing the burger to be good but “very wet” in Jolene’s words.

Haadiza said it was giving Chum Bucket vibes. David added that while SpongeBob himself wouldn’t approve, Mr. Krabs would because of the money it’s likely bringing into Wendy’s restaurants.

I was the only taste tester among the bunch to give the collab burger a seal of approval. But, as my co-workers love to remind me, my “SpongeBob SquarePants” knowledge is limited, so maybe take my opinion with a grain of salt. (They’re all millennials while I represent our Gen Z audience.)

The Pineapple Under the Sea Frosty was equally underwhelming, lacking the neon-yellow hue you’d expect a SpongeBob-inspired dessert to have. To its credit, the Frosty had an orange puree swirl throughout before melting and becoming essentially a cup of vanilla ice cream within 30 minutes (maybe that was our fault for waiting to eat it in the newsroom).

With all the puree flavor sunk to the bottom of the cup, it’s hard to imagine folks under the sea would find the treat impressive.

Care to conduct your own taste test? Both menu items are available at Wendy’s restaurants nationwide. Here’s where to get one in Greater Cincinnati. If you don’t live in the area, you can look for a Wendy’s near you on the fast food chain’s site. 

Wendy’s locations around Greater Cincinnati

• 1015 Gest St., Queensgate.
• 10152 Colerain Ave., Colerain Township.
• 10765 Montgomery Road, Sycamore Township.
• 10775 Reading Road, Evendale.
• 11007 Reed Hartman Highway, Blue Ash.
• 11400 Dallas Blvd., Colerain Township.
• 11898 Chase Plaza, Forest Park.
• 1246 Hopple St., Camp Washington.
• 2230 Northland Blvd., Springdale.
• 2238 Beechmont Ave., Mount Washington.
• 3994 Red Bank Road, Fairfax.
• 4559 Eastgate Blvd., Eastgate.
• 5066 Delhi Pike, Delhi Township.
• 5330 Ridge Ave., Columbia Township.
• 5460 North Bend Road, Green Township.
• 6243 Glenway Ave., Westwood.
• 6505 Harrison Ave., Green Township.
• 7289 Kenwood Road, Sycamore Township.
• 8234 Colerain Ave., Colerain Township.
• 8240 Vine St., Hartwell.
• 855 William Howard Taft Road, Walnut Hills.
• 8660 Beechmont Ave., Anderson Township.
• 912 West Galbraith Road, Springfield Township.
• 9537 Mangham Drive, Lincoln Heights.
• 410 Philadelphia St., Covington.
• 57 Carothers Road, Newport.
• 4385 Winston Ave., Latonia.
• 4910 Vine St., St. Bernard.
• 493 Orphanage Road, Covington.
• 4474 Montgomery Road, Norwood.
• 3708 Alexandria Pike, Cold Spring.
• 3069 Dixie Highway, Erlanger.
• 3640 Harrison Ave., Cheviot.
• 3478 River Hills Drive, Newtown.
• 7434 Turfway Road, Florence.
• 7910 Dream St., Florence.
• 201 East Alexandria Pike, Alexandria.
• 2098 North Bend Road, Hebron.
• 1739 Patrick Drive, Burlington.
• 1992 Declaration Drive, Independence.
• 8830 US-42, Florence.
• 75 Rivers Edge Drive, Milford.
• 7311 Dixie Highway, Fairfield.
• 1146 Marian Drive, Batavia.
• 319 Richwood Road, Walton.
• 11960 Lebanon Road, Sharonville.
• 5909 Muhlhauser Road, West Chester Township.
• 10601 Loveland Madeira Road, Loveland.
• 1091 OH-28, Milford.
• 200 West Main St., Amelia.
• 4730 Dixie Highway, Fairfield.
• 3802 Hamilton Cleves Road, Hamilton.
• 9812 Escort Drive, Mason.
• 3988 State Route 22 3, Loveland.
• 8342 Princeton Glendale Road, West Chester Township.
• 8324 Cincinnati Dayton Road, West Chester Township.
• 1155 Reading Road, Mason.
• 7436 Tylersville Road, West Chester Township.
• 10940 New Haven Road, Harrison.
• 8200 Arbor Square Drive, Mason.
• 3213 Princeton Road, Hamilton.
• 816 High St., Hamilton.
• 4241 Hamilton Middletown Road, Liberty Township.
• 32 North Brookwood Ave., Hamilton.
• 5316 Kings Island Drive, Mason.

When does the Krabby Patty release at Wendy’s?

The Pineapple Under the Sea Frosty and the Krabby Patty Kollab Burger are available Oct. 8.